The Biggest Idiot in The World

NEW YORK - Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to
her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with
her appearance on the popular TV show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. "

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on
the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing "the
absolute worst use of lifelines ever."
After being introduced to the show's
host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon
she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:

"Which of the following is the largest?"
A) A Peanut
B) An
Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately
Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was
a question to which she did not readily know the answer.

"Hmm, oh boy,
that's a toughie," said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her
disbelief and disgust. "I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things
before, but I have no idea how large they would be."

Evans made the
decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D
were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon.
However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

"Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!" exclaimed Evans. "Darn.
I think I better phone a friend."

Using the second of her two lifelines
on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy,
who is an office assistant.

"Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm
on TV!" said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. "Ok, I got an
important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C,
the moon. 15 seconds hun."

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C,
the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten
seconds.

"Come on Betsy, are you sure?" said Evans. "How sure are you?
Puh, that can't be it."

To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans
declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'

"I just don't
know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask
the audience," said Evans.

Ask ed to vote on the correct answer, the
audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her
lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.

"Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm
thinking," said the too-stupid-to- live Evans. "But you know, sometimes you just
got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the
moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer."
Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with
bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact,
C, 'The Moon.'