Funny Meanings :)

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

***********
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

***********
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

***********
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage

***********
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

***********
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

***********
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

***********
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .

***********
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.

***********
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

***********
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

***********
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.

***********
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

***********
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

***********
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

***********
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

***********
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

***********
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

***********
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

***********
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

***********
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

***********
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

***********
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.

***********
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY

***********
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

***********
Father:
A banker provided by nature.

***********
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

***********
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

***********
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

***********
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.